


Spatial Alignment

by Rakuyou_Tenshi (Citrus_Luver)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Community: jim_and_bones, Euthanasia, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 03:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1251580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Citrus_Luver/pseuds/Rakuyou_Tenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy thought he was on the fast track towards that perfect life until one day he realized he had fallen from it a long time ago.  It takes one Jim Kirk who tumbled his way into Leonard’s life to make him realize that there is more to life than what he once believed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my humble offering for the Jim-and-Bones Live journal Community’s 2014 Sweetheart Challenge and my first posting in the Star Trek Fandom. I hope I did justice to the prompt and captured Bones’ voice. 
> 
> I am extremely sorry that it is a little depressing considering it was supposed to be a Valentine’s Day’s story. 
> 
> To prevent any spoilers, I will not reveal what the prompt was until the end of the final chapter. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

Leonard McCoy had always prided himself in being an observant man.  After all, it was part of his job description, damn it, so he wasn’t sure how he was so completely blindsided when his world seemed to suddenly turn upside down. It wasn’t that that he was egotistic. He was far from that. The only explanation he could come up with was that he became too damn comfortable. He thought he was on track for that elusive, perfect, normal life.  All the pieces seemed to have aligned in his flavor. He was married to a true southern belle, the one in a million that still existed in the world.  They had a beautiful, bubbly baby girl.  He was a successful doctor.  His name regularly appeared on lists featuring top up and coming doctors who were most likely to thrive.    They lived on a ranch with acres and acres of open space in all directions.  

His aptitude tests categorized him as a genius.  He had more initials after his name in his 27 years of life than most people would receive in a lifetime.  However, no matter how hard he or others tried to convince him otherwise he could not ease the guilt of missing the initial signs.  It all seemed so obvious now.  Hindsight really is 20/20.  As a result, he found himself spending more and more hours in his office with bloodshot eyes and mountains of research data stored in PADDs stacked on his desk instead of at home curled up next to his wife.

He flinched when his office door opened.  The fluorescent lighting from the hallways burned his sleep-deprived eyes.  He squinted in the direction of the light.  He could barely make out the silhouette of one of his nurses. Was it Evans, or was it Stevens?  He found he could no longer keep track of his nurses’ names.   His nurses seemed to rotate faster than he did through the days.  “Doctor McCoy, your wife is calling the hospital.”  He impulsively reached for his communicator.  It was buried underneath a stack of PADDs.  He recoiled when the PADDs tumbled to the ground as a result.  He instinctively stopped the young nurse when she moved to pick them up.   “She’s asking when you’ll be home, Doctor.”  She gave him that pitiful look he noticed people were giving him more and more lately.  

“Soon, tell her soon.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  He glanced at the hypospray containing a large dose of stims.  It seemed to be mocking him.  He hastily drew his gaze away.  Too many stims in too few hours, he could already feel his heart pulsating faster than normal.  “Tell her I’ll be home soon, Nurse…”

“Robertson, Dr. McCoy.”  Leonard nodded, relieved to avoid the embarrassment of having to guess the young woman’s name.  She nodded in response before retreating.  She pulled the door shut upon her departure.  

He pulled his comm closer.  The numbers 0300 blinked on and off in the sea of midnight blue.  He paled at the number of missed messages he had received. He vaguely wondered why Jocelyn was still awake.  She had always been an early riser and early sleeper. She claimed she needed it to keep her complexion.

His shift would start in another three hours.  It would take over an hour for the round trip commute, which equated to too many wasted hours.  He was convinced that Jocelyn would doze off again.  She always did.  He had too many numbers, theories, and formulas to try and too little time to test them all.  Jocelyn would understand.  He was a doctor, damn it.  He had sworn an oath the day he received his medical degree.  Tonight, he would return home tonight.

He tossed his comm aside and pulled out a blank PADD.  Damn, molecular biology problems, they had never troubled him before.  His professors and colleagues always praised him for his superiority in solving synthesis problems. He pulled up a hologram of his hypothesized molecular structure. It was oblong and clumsy. It lacked the neatness that the universe usually conformed too. He turned it with his hand. As he rotated it, it flickered tauntingly at him in the darkness of his office.

***************

Too few hours later, the alarm on his comm beeped signaling the start of his morning shift. He sighed. He was still no closer to filling in the gaps that was necessary to unfold his molecule. He dropped his PADD and depressed the hypospray containing the stims into his neck. He pushed himself up from his chair. His back creaked as he rose. Was he already experiencing the signs of premature aging? He grabbed his white lab coat as he left his office for another 10-hour shift. The on call nurse handed him a PADD with his schedule as he passed by. He scanned through it quickly.   It was composed mostly of clinical duties and meetings with the medical board. _Damn meetings._ At least clinical duties meant he had time between patients to continue thinking about his research.

Bloody noses, sprained ankles and runny noses, they were all such the inane and stupid accidents that people seemed capable of getting themselves into it. The hours seemed to have slowed to a crawl. The medical board meeting had been atrocious. They wanted results, not promises. They claimed they hired him to perform surgery not chase impossible research dreams.

His nose was buried in his PADD when a lanky blond boy slipped into the examination room. He looked up surprised. Normally, one of his nurses would inform him before they let a patient in. The kid looked like a complete mess. His face was bruised and battered. He seemed to be sprouting a mean shiner. He was favoring his left side. Above all, the kid had the brightest set of baby blue eyes that he had ever seen. They were blazing and blaring.

“Sorry, they normally inform me before letting a patient in.” The kid shrugged. “What can I do for you?” Again the kid shrugged. “Damn it Kid, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” The kid seemed to flinch. “Sorry.” He sighed before reaching for his tricorder. The kid’s blazing blues seemed to widen. “It’s just a medical tricorder, Kid.”

“I ain’t a kid, Bones.” The kid finally spoke. His voice seemed a little raspy as if he rarely used it.

“Bones?” He managed to sputter out.

The kid grinned. He pointed at the skeleton leaning against the wall. “Nice décor.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “You look like a kid, mighty reckless one too.”

“Jim Kirk.”

“McCoy, Leonard McCoy.” He tipped the tricorder in the kid’s direction. “Now sit down.” He was surprised when the kid immediately complied. He sat down easier than Leonard would have thought possible.

“Nah, Bones is better.” The kid smirked. Leonard rolled his eyes.   He waved the tricorder over the kid. His eyebrow rose when the readings appeared on his diagnostic PADD. “Damnit Kid, your readings are off the charts. What the hell did you do to yourself?” The kid shrugged. “You’re going to need a long session under the regen.” The kid looked confused. Leonard sighed. “Kid, did you grow up in some backwater world or something?”

The kid shifted nervously. He scratched the back of his neck with his less damaged hand. “Something like that.”

Leonard picked up his PADD. He filled out the few pieces of information he knew about the kid before looking up. “Okay Kid. Tell the nurse outside that you’re scheduled for a regen session in room 2.” The kid nodded. He hopped off the examination table a little too easily. Leonard narrowed his eyes. The kid seemed to notice and reflexively reached to support his injured arm.

“See you around Bones.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. The kid laughed before exiting the examination room.

***************

Too many hours later and too many comms from Jocelyn, Leonard found himself leaving the hospital. A light rain had started to fall. _Damn summer weather._ It was a long walk to the bus station. He pulled up his jacket collar. Wet and humid, it was Georgia at its finest.

“Hey.” Leonard involuntarily found himself rotating on the balls of his feet. His years of self-defense lessons flooded back at him. Maybe it really was like riding a bike. He immediately dropped the fists that he had not realized he had raised when he realized it was the kid from earlier. The kid looked at him curiously. Damn kid looked like he was about to laugh.

“Are you trying to fucking give me a heart attack, Kid?” He groused. “What the hell are you still doing here?”

“I thought doctors were supposed to be all nice and fuzzy, Bones.”

“Common misconception. Seriously, Kid why are you still here?” Leonard grumbled.

“Told you I would see you around, Bones.” The kid answered easily.

At that moment, all the angry, frustration and anxiety seemed to leak away. “Look Kid,” Leonard said tiredly. He scratched the back of his neck. “I got to get home to my wife and daughter. You should go home too. Stay out of trouble and away from whoever gave you those bruises.”

When the kid didn’t respond, Leonard sighed. He looked so lost or alone. For once Leonard didn’t calculate the risks, weigh the pros and cons, or even give a damn about all the stupidity this could lead too. Fuck it if Jocelyn was going to murder him. “You good with horses, Kid?” The kid blinked. “You good with horses?” he repeated again.

“Why?” The kid asked.

“One of our ranch hands went and got married off world.” Leonard answered gruffly.

“Are you offering me a job?” The kid grinned. He bounced on the balls of his feet. He was like a fucking ball of energy.

Leonard rolled his eyes. He muttered the word ‘infant’ under his breath. “We need a replacement hand. It comes with a room and meals. You’ll get all the weekends and major holidays off. ”

“What about you Bones?” The kid asked. He wagged his eyebrows.

“What about me Kid?” Leonard asked absently. His gaze wandered past the kid to the bus stop.  

“What days do you get off?” He repeated.

Leonard watched as the headlights of the bus flickered by. _Wonderful_. He would have to want even longer for the next bus. “Damn it Kid. I’m a doctor. I’m busy. I ain’t got time for off days.” Leonard replied, a little exasperated.

“That’s too bad.” The kid seemed genuinely upset.

Leonard’s face softened. The kid seemed to have an uncanny ability of getting under his skin. “So Kid, you want the job?”

“Sure Bones.” The kid clapped a hand on Leonard’s shoulder and shot him one of his sunny smiles.


	2. Chapter 2

The ride home was long and quiet. The kid fidgeted next to him on the bus. Leonard spent most of the ride dozing against the window. The glass was cold to the touch.   Raindrops drizzled down the glass pane.

It was only as he was inputting the code to override the security system to the ranch house that Leonard realized he forgot to send a message to Jocelyn that he had spontaneously hired a new ranch hand. Jocelyn rarely cared about the ongoing duties that were necessary to maintain the ranch. She only cared that her horses were well looked after. As he pulled open the door, he heard laughter coming from the family room. _Company._ He had forgotten about the weekly Friday dinner parties. Jocelyn had insisted that was part of being in high society. He found them ridiculous. They involved him wearing dinner jackets, which he believed made him look like an overdressed penguin. Jocelyn would just roll her eyes and say he looked fine.        

“Leonard?” Her voice carried through the mostly empty hallways. His wife appeared from the family room moments later. She was dressed in a dark red evening gown.

“Joss?” Leonard asked confused.

She hurried towards him. She lightly kissed his cheek before hastily pulling away. She looked a little flustered. “Hurry and get changed. We have guests.”

“Joss.” He had been hoping for a quiet dinner, a long soak in the tub and an equally long night’s sleep before he returned to the hospital. He had not planned on entertaining guests. He suddenly felt ridiculous in his ragged jacket and rain drenched hair. He absently wondered how long it had been since he had last shaved.

“Please.”

Leonard sighed. “Okay.” He was too tired to argue. Their guests were already here. His mother would be horrified if she ever discovered he had been an ungracious host.

“You brought a guest.” Jocelyn shifted her look to the kid behind him.

Leonard had long grown accustomed to Jocelyn’s method of assessing people. In Jocelyn’s mind, there were only two types of people in the world: the useful and the useless. She claimed they only had so much time on this world. It did not make sense to associate with the useless when there were so many useful people in the world. He wondered if the kid would pass Jocelyn’s scrutiny. He suddenly realized that Jocelyn’s attitude grated at him. He wondered if it was just that he was tired.

“Jim Kirk.” The kid stepped forward. He gave her one of his award-winning smiles that Leonard had come to expect. “Bones offered me a job.”

“Bones?” She asked perplexed.

Leonard rolled his eyes. “Long story, I hired him to replace Martin.”

Jocelyn nodded. She seemed satisfied with the answer. “Leonard please, the guests are waiting. Join us for dinner Mr. Kirk. I’m sure Leonard can find you something suitable to wear.”

“Jim’s just fine ma’am. Thank you ma’am,” the kid parroted, ever the diplomat. He watched Jocelyn retreat into the family room. He was surprised that Jocelyn had invited the kid to dinner. She rarely associated with their ranch hands. ‘They should not be seen Leonard.’ It seemed the kid had already won Jocelyn over.

“Sorry.” Leonard said sincerely.  

The kid shrugged.   “Dinner party sounds fun.” The kid said cheerfully.

“Fun my ass.” Leonard grumbled. He worked his brogues off. He reached behind Jim and pulled the door closed.

“You really need to lighten up Bones.” The kid clapped his hand on his shoulder. Leonard shook the kid off.

“Come on.”

The kid’s bright jovial disposition managed to brighten the normally pompous and stuffy dinner party. The kid was a damn natural at cutting through the uncomfortable silence that Leonard frequently experienced during Jocelyn’s dinner parties.   Leonard was extremely grateful the numerous times the kids gracefully steered the conversation away from Leonard. He knew it was no secret to their guests that he had been spending long hours at the hospital. Leonard knew the people Jocelyn associated with. They rarely worked. In some ways, Georgian high society seemed to have never advanced past the 1800’s plantation era. They all lived on the fame and achievements from the generation pasts. They never understood Leonard’s drive to build something out of his own name. They found it tiring.    

As the night wore on, Leonard vaguely wondered if in a different life the kid had been an ambassador for the Federation. He found his tongue loosening, and genuinely laughing at the kid’s jokes. For once, he found himself sincerely enjoying himself. It was only later that he realized that not once had he thought about his tedious molecular structure that he was no closer to solving. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. Once their guests finally left, Jocelyn had invited the kid to all of her future dinner parties. The kid as charming as ever happily agreed.

“You have no idea what you just agreed to kid. High society Georgian men and women are like vultures.” Leonard warned.

“Guess you’ll just have to save me from them, Bones.” The kid smiled. He playfully slung his arm around Leonard’s shoulder.

“Damn it Kid. I’m a doctor not a socialite.” Leonard snapped back.

The kid smiled, his blue eyes dancing. “Lighten up Bones. It’ll be fun.”

“You have a strange definition of fun, Kid.”

***************

                He woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and a child’s laughter.   His head felt strangely light. He could not remember the last time he had slept so well. Normally, when his stims wore off before he had time for another injection, he woke up to a stiff neck and equally stiff back due to passing out on his office desk. When he turned his head, he found Jocelyn resting peacefully next to him. The Georgian summer sunbeams framed her hair.

                The laughter awoke him further. He suddenly realized that it belong his daughter. What he could not comprehend was what or who was making her laugh. He groaned when he saw the time blinking tauntingly at him. _Fuck_.

He rolled out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe. He padded towards the direction of the laughter. He found Joanna sitting on the kitchen counter.   She was swinging her legs. She was cradling a large mixing bowl in her arms. She seemed to be sneaking glances behind her before tipping her tiny fingers into the bowl then licking them clean. Then there was Jim Kirk hovering over the stove. He was wearing one of Jocelyn fluffy pink aprons. It looked like the kid was cooking up a storm.

Joanna noticed his presence first. “Daddy!” Her voice shrieked through the air.   Joanna immediately hopped down from the counter. The bowl wobbled when she set it down in a hurry. She ran to him and immediately threw her arms around his waist. Leonard pulled her close. Her voice seemed to alert the kid to his presence.

“Morning.” The kid smiled.

Joanna pulled away. “Jim is making pancakes.” She beamed at him.

“Jim?” Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Joanna, manners.”

“But Jim told me not to call him Mr. Kirk,” Joanna protested.

“That’s right, Bones. I ain’t one for formalities.” The kid turned around. He was holding a plate of pancakes. “Pancakes?”

“Jim makes the best pancakes!” Joanna added.

“Even better than Mommy’s?” Jocelyn’s voice carried from behind them.

They all turned. Joanna hid behind his legs. She looked as if she had swallowed a canary. “They have chocolate chips.” He saw the slight twitch of the kid’s lips. He seemed to be trying his hardest not to laugh.

Leonard became further convinced that the kid had long perfected the art of diplomacy when he immediately stepped forward and presented Jocelyn with the plate he had been holding. Leonard could still see the steam wavering from the stack. He handed Jocelyn a fork. When Jocelyn accepted and delicately cut off a slice before taking a tiny bite, a smiled appeared on her face. “They really are good, Mr. Kirk.” Leonard let out a breath he had not realized he was even holding.

“Thank you, ma’am. Jim’s fine, ma’am.”

“Okay… Jim.” She smiled.  

Joanna stuck her head from between Leonard’s legs. “See Mommy.” She chimed in. She pulled away from Leonard and ran over to Jocelyn, who handed the plate back.

“Are you sure you didn’t hire Jim for the cook position, Leonard?” Jocelyn accepted a hug from Joanna before retreating into the family room. She had always been a ‘half a grapefruit and a cup of warm tea for breakfast’ woman.  

“You really didn’t have to Kid.”

The kid shrugged. “I found Joanna wandering through the kitchen, and the chores didn’t take too long.”

Leonard blinked. “Christ Kid, how early did you wake up?”

Joanna gasped. “Daddy, don’t stay the lord’s name in vain.”

“Yeah Bones.” The kid smirked.

“Daddy, will you play with me?” Joanna tugged at his pant legs. He mentally cursed when he caught sight of the time that was constantly flashing from the clock face on the wall.

He lightly stoked her chocolate brown hair. “Daddy has to go to work.”

Joanna looked like she was about to cry. Her chocolate brown eyes became teary. He wondered if the kid had also noticed. He knelt down, so he was at the same level as Joanna. The stack of pancakes was still in one hand. He gently turned her around. “Want to help me with the horses, Joanna?”

“Mommy…” She tugged at the hem of her dress. The kid looked up at him as if seeking permission. Jocelyn had always been hesitant to allow Joanna near the horses without supervision. She loved them. Jocelyn seemed to have no qualms about the kid from their latest interactions. He had expected Jocelyn to be horrified at finding the kid in her kitchen. Leonard nodded. The kid winked at Joanna. She beamed back at him.

***************

Somehow, before Leonard knew it, the kid had wormed his way into his life. With his pretty blue-eyes, charming smile and sunny disposition, the kid was like a giant ball of sunlight that seemed to rival even the Georgian summer sun.

The kid’s presence did not keep him from spending long spans of time at the hospital. The mornings when he did wake up at home, he always found the kid in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and a plate of whatever breakfast he had decided to whip up. Sometimes Joanna was in the kitchen ‘helping’ as best as she could. Jocelyn never let Joanna help in the kitchen. Joanna always found a way to make everything take twice as long, but it seemed besides his diplomacy skills the kid also possessed an incredible amount of patience.

The kid’s explanation was always that he was a morning person. He liked watching the sunrise over the Georgian mountains. The kid would sit next to him and watch him eat. Once he slid a fork to the kid. He would immediately shake his head and say he had already eaten.  

Initially, Leonard had tried to explain that he did not have to cook for them. It was not part of his job description. The kid would always laugh and shrug his shoulders.

“I like cooking for you and your family Bones.” There seemed to be a forlorn expression on his face as he spoke.

“I know Jocelyn really appreciates it, and you already won Joanna over with your pancakes.”

“What about you Bones?” The kid smiled at him. He lightly nudged Leonard on the shoulder.

“I ain’t getting slimmer that’s for sure.”

The kid laughed.

The days when he did not return home, the kid seemed to find a way to wander into his office. He always came bearing gifts consisting mainly of Leonard’s lunch and dinner.   They would talk about mindless things: the weather, Joanna’s latest escapades and sometimes Leonard’s research. Leonard was never certain if the kid was genuinely interested or if he just liked to hear Leonard talk. Whichever was the case, the kid always seemed to ask the appropriate questions at the appropriate time. Leonard found he genuinely liked talking to the kid. He might not have the medical background, but he was clearly brilliant. He seemed to soak up everything like a sponge. Leonard found he could bounce ideas off the kid better than most his colleagues who were more interested in surgery than new discovery.

However, every Friday night, Leonard and Jim were present at Jocelyn’s dinner party. The kid was as sunny and bright as always. Leonard would just roll his eyes and be grateful he was there to make them more bearable.

After one particularly tiring dinner party which left even the kid tired, they found themselves on Leonard’s porch swing each nursing a iced tea. The cicadas chirped in the distance.

“You ain’t meant for Georgia, Bones.” The kid whispered. He thought he had heard wrong.

“How did you figure that?”

“You’re bored. You’re meant for excitement and adventure. You aren’t like the other people here.”

“I’m just a simple country doctor trying to live a perfect life.”

“You aren’t just a simple country doctor, Bones. You’re meant for more.”

They heard the screen door closing. When Leonard turned away, he saw the quick retreating form of Jocelyn. The kid looked a lightly guilty.  

However, other things did not change. Leonard felt the chasm between him and Jocelyn grew larger and larger as the days went by.  


	3. Chapter 3

It had been nearly four months since the day he had met the kid. It seemed like a normal, awful day. His research had stalled. He felt every step forward he took; at the same time, he was taking two steps backwards. The medical board was becoming impatient. They wanted their neurosurgeon back. They had plenty of doctors and interns to run the clinics, but they had few doctors with the skills to perform neural surgery.

He had just grudgingly agreed to add two surgeries per week and cut back on his research hours during his shift. He wondered how long this agreement would last. It also meant he would have even less time at home. He was wondering when was the last time he saw sunlight when the kid slipped into his office. He was carrying an old wooden wicker basket. He wondered where the kid had possibly found such an antique.

“Hey!” The kid was as cheery as ever. “Picnic?” He held up the basket.

“Sorry. I have too much work.”

His face immediately dropped. “Damnit. Don’t give me that look.”

“I once heard humans need vitamin D.”

“I get my vitamins.”

“It’s better from the sun.”

“Which also causes skin cancer.”

“Bones, you seriously need to lighten up. Come on. I made you lunch.” The kid pouted. Goddamn puppy dog eyes, he was even better at it then Joanna.

“Fine.” Leonard threw down his PADD.

The kid immediately smiled. “Awesome. It’ll be fun.”

The kid led them to the park behind the hospital. He nodded at some of the nurses who were out with their patients. It really did feel nice. For once, it wasn’t the traditional 100+ degree summer heat that seemed to plague Georgia summers. The kid found a metallic bench under a peach tree. “I thought you said I needed sun light.”

The kid patted the space next to him. “Don’t want you getting skin cancer.” He handed him a turkey sandwich.

Leonard ate in silence while the kid stared off into the distance.   He noticed worry lines on his forehead.

“Got something on your mind?”

The kid immediately turned around. “You haven’t been home lately.” It wasn’t accusatory like what he frequently received from Jocelyn. The kid said it so matter of fact tone of voice that it made Leonard feel guiltier then any of Jocelyn’s comms.

“Damn medical board wants me to cut down on my research hours. Says I need to pull my weight and do more surgeries.”

“You can’t do that?”

Leonard rubbed his neck. “No.” It easily than explaining how fucked up his life was. The reality was too complicated.

The kid didn’t push.   “Actually that’s not it either. Jocelyn sent me to drag you to your parents’ summer end party.”

Leonard paled. He had been trying to avoid his parents for months. He hated it, and he knew his mother didn’t deserve it. But, seeing his parents meant seeing his father. Their last conversation still haunted him. “I…”

“She insisted.”    

Leonard sighed. “Okay.”

However when a late afternoon emergency surgery happened, Leonard thought it was a sign that he could avoid the party. However, it turned out to be a minor surgery. When he left the operating theatre two hours later, he found the kid in the waiting room. He was holding a bundle of what Leonard could only assume to be his clothes. _Damn it._

The kid immediately bolted up when he saw him. “Jocelyn sent me.”

Leonard sighed.

An hour later, he and the kid were standing at his parents’ front door. He wondered what Jocelyn had said to the kid before sending him. Was Jocelyn that convinced he would bolt the moment the kid left to need a fucking chaperone?

The kid was just turning to leave when the door open.   “Len!” His mother pulled him into a tight hug. She smelt of peaches and meat loaf. She was skinner than the last time he saw her. He noticed that she had more wrinkles on her face and hands, and there more grey hairs intermingled with her brown strands. She had always been so proud of her lush brown hair.

“Ma,” he whispered. He really did miss her. She pulled back.

She jerked her head in the kid’s direction. “Who’s this lovely young man you brought with you Len?” She teasingly asked him.

“He’s Jim Kirk, Ma.”

“Hi.” The kid waved. He seemed a little uncomfortable. He fidgeted on the balls of his feet. “I should probably go.”

“Nonsense Mr. Kirk,” his mother chided.   “You clearly dragged Len here, and I bet that wasn’t easy.”

“Ma,” Leonard sighed.

“Stay, come eat with us. I made plenty of food.”

The kid nodded. “Okay, Mrs. McCoy.”

“Eleanor, call me Eleanor.”

“Only if you call me Jim.”

“Deal.” She pulled them both inside. Her strength didn’t seem to have weakened with time. As they progressed further into the house, and he noticed the sheer number of guests, it seemed that his mother might have invited the whole county. The house was overflowing with guests. He spied Joanna out back running around with her cousins in the same playground he played on as a child.

He spent most of the first hour introducing the kid to most of the guests. They were all old family friends and acquaintances. It seemed the kid’s initially apprehension had eased, and he was back to his normally charming and charismatic self. It was only after dinner when most of the guests had gravitated outside to enjoy the warm Georgian evening that his mother pulled him aside. She spoke the words that he had been avoiding and hoping would never come. “Your father wants to speak to you.” Leonard sighed. She patted his hand. “Len,” she sounded so tired. Her voice reminded him of his childhood when after he had done something wrong, she would become aspirated by his actions.

“Ma…”

“Take Jim with you.” Leonard looked at her in surprise. “He could use some brightness. That boy radiates brightness.”

Leonard smiled. “Yeah, yeah he does.”

She patted her arm again before exiting through the back patio door. She closed it behind him. Leonard sighed. He found the kid sitting in the empty dining room table. He seemed a little upset. He seemed to be worrying his lower lip. Leonard wasn’t sure he had ever seen the kid so serious.

“Hey.”

The kid looked up. “Oh, hey Bones.” He smiled. It wasn’t one of his normal smiles. It was one of those wooden, faux smiles that didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay Bones. They won’t hate you.”

His eyebrows rose. “What you talking about?”

The kid shook his head.   “Never mind, you wanted something?”

“My dad, come meet my dad.” Leonard decided not to push. The kid nodded. He pushed out of his seat. They walked upstairs and down the long hallway. His parents’ bedroom was located on the most eastern tip of the estate. When he was little, his father told them the house was specifically designed so that generations of McCoy men could see the sunrise above the Georgian mountains before any other person. At the time, Leonard was just thankful that his bedroom faced the west. Now the curtains were perpetually drawn shut. He pulled the kid to a halt outside the doorway.

“My dad, he ain’t well.”

The kid nodded.

“Len, is that you?” A voice carried through the cracks of the door. Prior to his illness, David McCoy’s voice was strong, deep and filled any room he was present in.   Now, it just sounded tired and weak. Leonard reached for the doorknob. He sighed. The kid placed a firm hand on his shoulder and lightly squeezed. It seemed to give him enough strength to pull the door open.

“Yeah Dad, it’s me. I brought a friend.”

He found his father’s sunken form lying on the bed. There were wires linked to various parts of his body. Leonard cringed at the readouts that were flashing on the monitors. The old adage that doctors make poor patients held true for his father. He had insisted to convalesce in the comfort of his own home instead of in a hospital. It went against everything Leonard believed in, but they both knew the hospital could offer him very little. Modern medical technology may have made great strides in the recent century, but there were still many uncured diseases. The dawn of space travel and colonization meant new discovers, but it also meant new diseases that didn’t originate on Earth. Pyrrhoneuritis was one of those new diseases due to colonization. It had significantly weakened his father. Leonard was no stranger to the illness. He knew the symptoms and great pains on those infected. His father slowly turned his head to them. “Did you bring an angel, Len?”

Leonard choked back a laugh. The kid had been described as many things by his family and colleagues. However, angel was a new one. “No, Dad. This is Jim.”

The kid stepped forward. He gently took his father’s hand. He bent down and from the angle he was standing at, it seemed the kid was saying something to the other man. It was so quiet that Leonard couldn’t make out a word of it. However, when the kid straightened up, there was a look of peace and serenity on his father’s face that he hadn’t seen in a long time. The kid lightly squeezed his shoulder before leaving the room. Leonard sighed before stepping forward to occupy the space the kid had taken.

“Hey Dad.”

“You don’t look so well. Your ma says that you have been avoiding her invitations.” Even now, all grown up Leonard still flinched when his father reprimanded him. In the eyes of his parents, he was still a little boy.

“I’ve been busy, work,” Leonard feebly explained. It seemed like such a horrible excuse now.

“Len,” his father said disapprovingly.

“Dad,” Leonard returned.

“Len, my boy,” his voice softened.

“Dad, I’ll find it.” Leonard choked out the worlds. The conversation was already heading in the direction that he had wanted to avoid.

His father shook his head. It seemed to take a lot out of him. He seemed to cringe at the movement. He set his swollen hand over Leonard’s. They were heavily inflamed. They looked worse than arthritis-ridden hands. “You’re a good boy. You have a good heart, Len. You have a loving wife and daughter. They need you. I’ve lived a long life.”

“Dad,” Leonard muttered setting his own hand over his father’s.

“Your mom is still young. She doesn’t deserve to be saddled with an invalid for a husband.”

“Dad.”

His father patted his hand. “Len, please, let me die with the rest of my dignity,” he whispered.

“Dad, you know I can’t do that.”

“The pain, son. The pain is too great.”

“Dad.”

“Please, Len. You promised, one year.”

Leonard sighed. He pulled his hands away and instead gripped the edge of his father’s biobed. He had been expecting this. The promise he had made. He had been so sure back then that he would find the cure. He had never failed before. However now, with his father hovering on the edge of consciousness and unconsciousness, Leonard didn’t doubt that his body was consumed with pain.

“Len, please.”

He was his father’s son before he was a doctor. Leonard sighed. He looked at the machines hooked up to his father. It was purely technological advancements that still kept his father alive. He furrowed his brow at the high dosage of pain medication being pumped into his father’s system, and he was still complaining about pain.   Realistically the dosage should be enough to numb even a United African elephant. He looked into his father’s eyes. The whites were heavily tinted with yellow. It was one of the early signs of liver failure. That was easy to fix. It was everything else that he couldn’t fix. He sighed before reaching into his pants pocket. From it, he drew out his medical tricorder. He looked down at it. His months of research data were stored in it along with the termination program for his father’s life support. He had placed them on the same PADD as a reminder of how little time he had. For once, time had beaten Leonard McCoy. He looked at his father: his sunken, pain-ridden form. It was a mere shadow of what had once been a proud man. Leonard blinked back his tears. His father nodded. He squeezed his hand once. Leonard clung to his father’s hand with his right. With his other hand, he connected the device to his father’s biobed and activated the program.   The device flashed. Tears burned his eyes as he watched the life drain from his father. A small smile appeared on his father’s face as he slipped away. One hadn’t seen in a long time. As the final beep from the cardiac monitor sounded, only then did the ramifications of what he had done hit him. Leonard pulled the tricorder from the bed and bolted.

He knew it wouldn’t be long before his mother would find her husband. As he bolted through the front door, he wondered about the final words that his parents had said to each other.   He wondered if his mother would ever forgive him for what he had done. Or his sister or even his baby girl. As he bolted, he wondered if he had imagined the haunted look he saw on the kid’s face as he ran past. Had the kid seen what he had done?

When he heard the all familiar wail coming from the house that he knew could only belong to his mother, he finally broke down.    

He sank to his knees. He let out a sob that he hadn’t realized he had been holding.


	4. Chapter 4

The kid found him leaning against one of the old McCoy peach trees. Its leaves and stems had drooped downwards due to the sheer weight of the ripe peaches that covered the tree. They oddly reflected his mood. He felt as if the whole world was weighing down on him.

He watched as the kid sank down beside him. “Hey,” the kid whispered. He pressed a cold glass of what Leonard assumed to be iced tea into his hands. Leonard drank it greedily. He hadn’t realized just how thirsty he was,

The kid didn’t press or prod. They sat there in silence. The stars twinkled with all their might over the polluted Georgian sky.

It was Leonard who broke the silence. “You probably know what I did.” He shifted his gaze to the main house. He could already hear the sirens whining in the distance. It would be too late, too late to prevent a son from killing his own father. He wondered if he had just damned himself for eternity. “Anyone can put two and two together.”

“I ain’t going to judge you Bones. You did what you thought was right. No one’s going to blame you.”

Leonard ran his hands over the glass. “I murdered my father, Jim.” It was first time he called the kid Jim outside of introductions.

“You let him keep his dignity. That’s more than what most people could say.”

They watched as the house lit up from the siren’s glow. They could see the outline of a body bag being transported out of the house and then being loaded into the awaiting ambulance. He saw his mother being lead out of the house. He knew eventually he would have to play the part of the dutiful son. However, at that moment all he wanted to do was sit next to Jim, Jim who didn’t judge him and seemed to know how he felt. His mother would hate him once she found out what he had done.

When his mother rejected the autopsy, he felt sick. “There was no mystery, Doctor. My husband was sick with an incurable disease. We all knew his time could come at any moment.” His mother had said those words with more willpower than he thought she was capable of. Leonard didn’t know whether to let out a sigh of relief or become further consumed with guilt. His father would be buried. His mother would never know her own son had aided in his father’s death. Only Jim knew.

It was the day after they had buried his father in the McCoy plot that the news hit the airwaves ‘Cure for Pyrrhoneuritis Found’. It was the cruelest irony that the world could dish out to him. He couldn’t bear to see his mother’s face. She commed him the moment the news broke out. “If only he could have hung on for another two weeks.” She didn’t blame him for not finding the cure. She was just too grief stricken and wanted to lash out at the world.

However, to Leonard it felt like the greatest punch to the gut. He called in all his sick days and locked himself in his study surrounded by his large collection of alcohol and outdated food synthesizer. By the end of the week, Jocelyn had given up attempting to get him to leave the room. She didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand, for she didn’t know what he had done. In her eyes, she just thought that Leonard was grief stricken. She had never been close to her parents. After their wedding, the delicate relationship she with her parents had all but fell apart. Her harsh words sliced through the locked door. “Stop being so immature! It ain’t always about you Leonard. Even now Joanna’s crying and all you can do lock yourself in your study.”

After another week, in his drunken haze he vaguely recalled Jocelyn yelling through the locked door that she taking Joanna to her friend’s house. She sounded tired and at her wit’s end.

When Jim finally broke through the lock, he wondered why it had taken the kid so long.

“Go away, Kid.” Leonard mumbled.

“No Bones. Enough is enough.”

“I don’t want your pity Jim. I don’t want a damn lecture either.”

“I ain’t here to give you either Bones.”

“Then what the fuck do you want?”

Jim picked up one of his empty bourbon bottles. He tossed it into the recycler.

“It’s not too late Bones.”

Leonard snorted out a delirious chuckle. “I thought you were a genius, Kid.”

“Nobody blames you, Bones.”

“That’s because nobody knows. I was stupid and selfish. I was tired of working long hours. I was tired of the fucking medical board giving me shit. It was too easy to give in. I should have fought him, Jim.”

“You ain’t selfish, Bones. That ain’t why you did it, and you fucking know it.” It was the first time Jim had ever cursed. He stepped in front of Leonard, blocking any escape paths he could possibly take. “You did it to preserve his dignity. He was in pain. You gave him salvation.”

“How you know I did it only ‘cause I hated missing out on Jo’s life?”

“Because you ain’t that type of person, Bones.”

“And how do you know that?”

“I know Bones. You know the love Jocelyn and Joanna have for you. You knew that they would understand.”

Leonard laughed bitterly. He passed Jim the PADD that was sitting on the table next to him. The same PADD he had used to murder his father. He watched from the corner of his eyes as the kid’s eyes widened. Jim set the PADD down. “It ain’t too late Bones. You can still fix this.”

“I don’t think I can, Jim. Some things aren’t fixable.” He had been wondering for a while now when Jocelyn would serve him the divorce papers. He had been gambling with time on two regards and lost them both.

“That’s bull, Bones and you know it.” The kid lightly jabbed him in the chest. “I’m going to help you win Jocelyn back.”

“And how are you planning on doing that?”

The kid picked up another one of the bottles. He tossed it into the recycler. “Jim Kirk’s Ten Step Plan to Perfection.” He smiled cocky. “First step, we got to get you and the house cleaned up.” He wrinkled his nose. “You wreak, Bones.”

It turned out the kid really was serious. He even seemed a little miffed when they completed step three and were sitting on his patio swing each holding iced teas.

“I thought you were joking.”

“I never joke, Bones.”

Leonard ran his fingers over the glass. He looked up at Jim. The kid had turned away and was looking into the distance. It was times like these that Leonard really wondered about the other man. Jim seemed to always give and give and never want anything in return.   The more Leonard thought the more he realized he really knew nothing about the kid. Jim Kirk had literally tumbled into his life, and after a short conversation at the hospital Leonard had invited him into his house.   He let the question he really wanted to ask ‘who are you?’ be replaced by the more selfish questions of “Why are you helping me?”

Jim turned around. He bit his lower lip. “Somebody has too.” It seemed like such a strange answer, and Leonard knew that wasn’t even true.


	5. Chapter 5

When the day came, and they had finally reached step ten, Leonard wondered how he didn’t have the foresight to predict where it was all heading early on. By then, autumn had long turned to winter. He had returned to his practice and was working more manageable hours. Every night Leonard returned home to Jim who was always waiting with dinner on the stove, and every morning Jim was waiting with breakfast on the table. It felt strangely domestic and just so right.

They talked of simple things: Leonard’s newest research, the state of the ranch and Joanna. Every day, Jim went to see Joanna and Jocelyn. He said he was offering ‘olive branches’ for Leonard. One day, when he came home and found Joanna and Jim giggling in the living room over a holomovie after a long day of work, he thought Jim really did the impossible.

Joanna squealed when she saw him. “Daddy.” She ran to him. He wrapped her into a tight tug. God did he miss her. “Uncle Jim and I are watching a movie.” Leonard raised an eyebrow. _When did Joanna start calling the kid uncle?_

“Is that right sweetie?”

“Yep, we’re waiting for you to eat dinner.” She said excitedly.

“Go wash your hands then.” He lightly patted her back. She nodded before running off. He turned to Jim who looked like he had swallowed a canary.

“I hope you don’t mind the uncle.”

Leonard shook his head. “Nah, she clearly adores you.”

“She’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, yeah she is. How did Jocelyn…”

“I think her anger has abated. I told her you did what you did for a reason.”

“Jim…” He didn’t want to have this conversation. He could always see where it was heading.

“Don’t you think they deserve to know the truth?”

Leonard sighed. He sank into the couch next to Jim. As much as he hated to admit it, the kid was right. They did deserve to know. “Step ten huh?”

“Step ten.”

***************

It was another week before Leonard made the necessary comms to his mother, sister and Jocelyn. His mother and sister were easier to convince. Jocelyn took more work. In the end, she begrudgingly agreed. It was only after Leonard agreed to sign the divorce papers if she didn’t like what he said that she agreed.

The day was dark and cold. Jim had lit a fire in the fireplace. It seemed so strange. Leonard didn’t even know the fireplace actually worked. It always thought it was decoration from days past. When they all arrived: his mother in her sunken form with traces of tears in her eyes, his sister who just looked tired, Jocelyn who pursed her lips, and then Jim who sat on the couch giving him all the encouragement he could give, Leonard just wanted to bolt. Damn kid really did try with all his heart. It was only that which kept Leonard from bolting.

“I wanted to tell you guys the truth. I don’t blame you for hating me afterwards.”

“Len?” His mother whispered.

“There was a reason I’ve been avoiding you, Ma.” He looked at his mother. He then turned to Jocelyn. “There was a reason I’ve been working long hours, Joss.”

“Len, is this…”

Leonard sighed. “When Dad first got sick, we had a long conversation together. We both knew the symptoms of Pyrrhoneuritis: the pain, the incurable nature of it. I swore to him I would find a cure.”

“Len,” his sister whispered. Even Jim looked a little pale.

“At the time, he didn’t want to. He wanted to just end it all early for all of us. I bargained for a year.”

“Len.”

“I euthanized Dad that night.” The words left Leonard’s lips easier than when he first said them to Jim. A heavy silence descended in the room. His mother choked out a sob. His sister glared at him. However, it was Jocelyn that surprised him. She seemed so pale.

His mother reached for him first. She drew him close into a tight hug. The type she hadn’t given him since he was a little kid and had afraid of the dark. She cradled his head and pressed their foreheads together. She kissed both sides of his cheeks. He could taste the sweaty tears rolling down her eyes. “Oh Len, I could never blame you. You gave him peace. He was always a proud man, a very proud man.”

His sister reached for him next. She squeezed his hand. Jocelyn moved over. There were even tears in her eyes. She squeezed his other hand. It was a firm squeeze. When she leaned in to kiss his cheek, he knew they just might just be okay. When he finally turned around, he found that Jim had left. He hadn’t even noticed when the kid had left. Jim Kirk and his Ten Steps to Perfection, how could he ever thank the kid?  

Jocelyn stayed at the ranch house that night. After he explained it all, now all along in the ranch house, it felt like they were walking on thin glass. There was still a lot of broken hearts and broken trust on both sides. He couldn’t make Jocelyn understand why he hadn’t confined in her is desire to find his father’s cure and similarly Jocelyn’s words still haunted him. When would be the next time he once again place work before his family? He had always been a workaholic.  

As Jim had profusely been convincing him over the past few months, time really can heal some wounds. By Christmas, Leonard thought he and Jocelyn would make it. However, the more time he spent with her and Joanna; the less time he saw Jim. It seemed the kid was making himself more and more scarce.

He found himself missing Jim, and the months they had spent alone. There was also strange feeling bubbling inside of him every time he kissed Jocelyn. He initially contributed it to guilt and left over traces of misgivings. However on Christmas Eve after he suggested that he and Jocelyn renew their wedding vows, it was only then he realized something really was out of place. He found himself looking for a kid that wasn’t there. He quickly claimed he needed some fresh air.

Like always, Jim found him sitting under a peach tree. The snow piled around him. The stars twinkled above them both. He watched as Jim sank down beside him. He lightly nudged him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Leonard sighed.  

“Congrats?”  


	6. Chapter 6

It was a few days after the new years that Leonard realized something was wrong. Jim had missed all his ranch duties and seemed to have disappeared all day. He was finally convinced something was wrong after Joanna kept asking where Uncle Jim was that Leonard finally said he would go look for them.

He found Jim in the bedroom. He suddenly realized Jim hardly ever spent any time in the room.   He never looked so small or alone. He had curled himself up into a tight ball on the couch. A bottle of half-emptied bourbon was standing precariously on the edge of the counter. There was a low hum from the holo screen. An image was frozen in place. He barely glanced at it. “Hey,” he whispered.

His voice seemed to have startled Jim. It surprised him. He had come to believe that Jim always seemed to know when he was around. He looked up. His eyes were blood shot red. At that moment, he looked so fucking young. “Hi.” Jim whispered. He hastily rubbed his shirtsleeve over his eyes.    

He sat down next to Jim and lightly nudged him in the leg. The kid returned the nudge. It was much stronger than he thought Jim was capable of giving at that moment. Leonard reached for the bottle of alcohol and the two shot glasses that were leaning precariously against the book he had given him for Christmas: Moby Dick. He thought it seemed appropriate at the time. “What’re you watching?” Leonard asked.   He passed one of the glasses to Jim.

Jim didn’t answer. He merely shifted his eyes at the holo screen. Leonard looked up. He immediately recognized the image. It was after all on the air every year. It was the Federation’s means of honoring the dead. Was it already the anniversary of that cruel and horrible kamikaze attack?

“It’s the Kelvin.” Leonard said simply. He wondered when the events had finally stopped haunting him, or when he had stopped watching the annual remembrance program. “It was horrible, simply horrible.”

“They call them heroes.” Jim croaked out.

Leonard took a sip from his glass. “Eight hundred lives lost. Saved the Federation.”

“Yeah.”

“Her final captain was only captain for 8 minutes. They say he tried evacuating the ship. That he had meant to be the only one to go down with the ship. They say he’d go down in history as one of the greatest Starfleet captains.”

Jim didn’t respond. He was strangely quiet. He rotated the glass in his hands.    

“Jim.” He gently touched the kid’s arm.

The kid turned. His eyes seemed even redder then when Leonard first entered the room.   His cheeks were even a little tear stained.

“Do you?” Jim quickly looked down. “Never mind.”

“Jim.” Leonard muttered.

Jim picked up the remote. He started the program again. He paused it again on the face of George Kirk. It was a picture from when he received his Lieutenant Commander stripes. He had been one of the youngest first officers of the fleet.   He looked so fucking young.

“Do you think he gave up too easily?”

Leonard vaguely remembered that day. He was just a few weeks shy of six when it happened. He didn’t understand back then. All he remembered were the tears that appeared on his first grade teacher’s eyes when the announcement was made over the school’s PA system. He remembered how tightly his mother had hugged him and his sister when she came to pick them up from the abridged day. He remembered how haunting his father’s words had been ‘so much lost potential’.

“He probably thought it was the best solution. There is an old saying. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.”

Jim laughed. It wasn’t one of his normal laughs. It was so hollow.   “You believe that Bones?” Jim turned towards him with those blazing blue eyes. He looked at him. He really looked him, so full of emotion and pain. At that moment, it seemed the fog Leonard thought he had been living in had finally lifted. The air around them grew hotter.   He could almost taste the electricity in the air.

“No,” he found himself whispering. He felt his breath hitch. Slowly he leaned forward. Their lips inches apart.

Suddenly, he felt a rough shove to his stomach. The moment suddenly faded. He wondered if he had misjudged the situation.  

“No Bones, can’t.” Jim whispered.

Leonard paled. “Fuck Jim. I thought.”

“No, no.” Jim shook his head sadly. “You and Jocelyn, it’s supposed to be you and Jocelyn.” His voice suddenly sounded so fucking raw. “I’m no good for you.”

“Jim.” Leonard whispered.

“That perfect life, you deserve that perfect life. You and Jocelyn, you guys are written in the stars.”  

“Jim!”

“You’re marrying Jocelyn again in a month. You’re going to give Joanna that baby brother or sister she always wanted. You guys are going to grow old together.” The kid was ranting now.

“Jim!” He grabbed the kid’s arm. It was electric. It seemed to startle Jim as much as him.

“You can’t love a dead man, Bones.” The words left Jim’s lips so easily.

At that moment, it seemed like all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly aligned together. The other shoe seemed to finally drop. Jim seemed to realize what he had said. His eyes widened. Leonard felt his grip loosen. “Fuck,” Jim whispered.

“What you talking about, Jim?” Leonard whispered. The explanation that he really didn’t want. The explanation that he somehow knew would change everything.

Jim pointed at the screen. George Kirk’s face stared back at them. “He’s my dad.”

Leonard’s eyes narrowed. He always thought he was a reasonable man, and that Jim was as equally reasonable. “Jim, if this is some kind of twisted joke.”

“His wife, Winona was also on the Kelvin.”

“Yes, they were serving together. She was…” His voice faded. Leonard’s eyes widened.   “Pregnant,” he finished.

Jim nodded. He set the glass on the table. “Yeah, I was the baby.”

“But, you have a body. You’re solid. Everyone on the Kelvin died that day.”

Jim shook his head. He motioned at his body. “This is all an illusion. When a child dies before they get a chance at life, they become an angel.”

“An angel?” His eyebrow rose. At that moment, a thousand questions raced through his head. Some questions he wasn’t sure he wanted the answers to.   In some cases leaving Pandora’s Box closed was the correct choice. “Okay Jim. Humor me, where are your wings?”

Jim laughed humorlessly. “They got it partially right in that old movie. I haven’t earned them yet. You’re my first case.”

“Case?”

Jim scratched the back of his neck. “I was sent here to save you Bones.”

“Save me?”

“But I guess I messed that one up. Sorry.”

He thought of Jocelyn and Joanna, and the state he had been in after his father’s death. Without Jim, he wasn’t sure he would have ever climbed out of his guilt. Joanna was happy and bubbly again. As for he and Jocelyn and what he had almost done with Jim, that was for another day. That perfect life that he wanted, he was on track headed due north for it. “No, no Jim, you didn’t.”    

“You should go,” Jim mumbled.

“Yeah,” Leonard returned.

However, he found he couldn’t find the strength to get up. They ended up finishing the rest of the bottle of bourbon. They spent the night toasting to dead men and women. The face of George Kirk looked on at them.

It was on the last drink. They were both a little too far gone by then for various reasons. Only then, for a brief moment on the edge that divided consciousness from unconsciousness, did he suddenly realize. How had he been so stupid? They had spent the night drinking to dead men and women.    

“Happy birthday Jim.” he whispered. He never expected Jim to hear him.

“Thanks, Bones.”

***************

They didn’t talk about that incident in Jim’s bedroom. They didn’t discuss any of the ramifications of the exchange either. Instead, they seemed to be skating past each other. Jim spent his free time choosing flowers, decorations, and cake flavors with Jocelyn when he wasn’t fulfilling his ranch hand duties. Once Leonard found himself half way to the barn to tell Jim that he didn’t have to keep working before he quickly retreating back into the ranch house.  

When the big day finally arrived, Leonard could immediately identify the choices that Jocelyn had made from the ones that were all Jim. He found himself enjoying this wedding and ceremony more than his first. Instead of the pink and orange color scheme that Jocelyn had chosen; this time it was a pleasant gold and blue.

At the ceremony, Jim stood by him as his best man. His gold tie framed his golden hair. At that moment, Jim never looked more radiate. Leonard found himself wanting to cry.  

***************

After the ceremony and Jim’s speech which didn’t leave a single dry eye in the room, the kid seemed to have vanished from the festivities. He found Jim standing on the patio outside. He felt his breath hitch.   The low lighting seemed to give the kid a holy glow. Like always, Jim seemed to know exactly when he appeared. He wondered if it was one of the kid’s special abilities.

“Hey, stranger,” Jim whispered.

“Hey,” Leonard muttered.

The silence was palpable.

“So…” Jim tugged at his necktie.

“Jim Kirk, finally speechless. I didn’t think that was possible.” Leonard joked half-heartedly.

“Nice ceremony.”

Leonard snorted. “You and Jocelyn did all the work.   I didn’t know you were also a wedding planner.”

“What I can I say? I’m a man of many talents.” Jim smiled. For a second, Leonard could almost see the shadow of Jim’s radiate smile.

Leonard sighed. He knew from the light, awkward teasing between them that Jim was just as aware of the large, unspeakable elephant in the room as he was.

“They have never looked brighter.” Jim shifted the conversation easily away. He tilted his eyes upward. It was so easy to take and accept Jim’s out. He was used to Jim throwing out non-sequiturs when he was trying to avoid or change the subject. Leonard looked up.   “The stars.”

“There’s less pollution out here.”

“You ever wanted to sail through them, Bones? See them all close up.”

Leonard shrugged. “I’m afraid of flying.”

“Really? Shame, we could have worked on that.”

“Yeah.” Somehow, he wasn’t surprised. Jim had fixed so many other things in his life. He couldn’t put it past the kid to cure him of his aviophobia.

“I would have liked to sail through them.”

“Starfleet?”

“Captain James T. Kirk, what do you think?” Jim grinned cocky.

“Right, it sounds right.” Leonard smiled. It really did feel right. He could almost picture Jim in that blazing gold Starfleet uniform sitting in a captain’s chair: the golden boy in a golden uniform on a silver ship.

“They say we live in a multiverse. Maybe there is another universe out there somewhere where we are sailing through the stars together Bones. Maybe there is a me who is captain and a you who is my CMO.”

Leonard laughed hollowly. Everything sounded so final. “What’s next, Jim? What’re you going to do now?”

Jim sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck and toed the back of his heel. “Back, away, on to my next case.”

 _Of course._ Leonard always knew. He knew since the day Jim told him the truth. One day, Jim would have to leave him. Somehow in the intermediary days, he had foolishly come to believe that he could keep Jim here longer, that the someday would be years in the future.

“What about you Bones, what are you going to do now? Today’s the first day of your new life.”

He looked back at the chateau, the warm glow and the soft music that was playing behind him. Jim, Jim had given him a second chance. “Guess I get to live that perfect life.” When he turned back around, Jim was no longer there. Leonard smiled sadly. “Bye Jim.” He whispered. “And thank you.” Slowly, he walked back inside.

Jocelyn found him first. She slipped in beside him. Gently she interlaced their fingers together.   “Where’s Jim?” she whispered.

“Gone, he’s gone home.” The words seemed to come easier than he thought was possible.


	7. Chapter 7

_One year later…_

“Leonard we need to talk.”

Leonard recognized that tone of voice almost immediately. It had been so long since he last heard it from Jocelyn. “Joss.”

She walked over to him and pulled him down. All that separated them was a couch pillow. “I’m freeing you Leonard.”

“Joss?” Leonard asked, puzzled.

“I thought we could fix our problems, but, this last year, since Jim left. It’s like a part of you left with him. You love him.” Her words weren’t accusatory. They didn’t even seem particularly sad or angry. She just sounded tired.

“It doesn’t matter.” _You can’t love a dead man, Bones._ Whatever he felt. Whatever Jim might have felt. None of it mattered anymore. They lived in a universe where it would be impossible.

Jocelyn took his hand. “You aren’t meant for Georgia, Leonard Horatio McCoy. You’re meant for bigger, greater things.”

“I’m just a simple country doctor.” Even as the words left his lips, they never felt more wrong.

Jocelyn shook her head. “No, Jim was right. He was always right… about everything.”

 _Except the most important thing._ Jim always thought he and Jocelyn were soul mates. He got everything else correct except for the one thing that really mattered.

“Jocelyn, I…”

She placed a large white envelope on the pillow. On the front, in slanted calligraphy was the simple word ‘Bones’.   He looked at it, confused.

“I hope you don’t think poorly of me for not giving this to you sooner. I found it in Jim’s room after the wedding. I thought if I gave it to you then, you would have left too to chase after him. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I almost burned it.”

“Joss.” He reached for the letter. He always wondered why Jim had never left him anything other than those parting words. He always felt like Jim knew to a certain extent the day he would leave.

“I’ll always love you, Leonard.”

“I know.” He whispered. He was unable to return the sentiment. He wondered when he stopped loving Jocelyn romantically. He picked up the envelope. Slowly, he broke the seal. A single piece of paper fell onto his lap.

“I don’t know why he left, but I do know he saved you. He was like your own personal guardian angel. It was like from day one his sole purpose was to save you.” Leonard choked out a bitter laugh. If only Jocelyn knew how correct she was.  

“I never knew you to be a quitter, Leonard. You go find him Leonard McCoy and tell him the truth.”

Looking down at the piece of paper Jim had left, he felt his whole body tremble. All he could do was nod. _Find Jim._

***************

He found Joanna curled up in her bed. Joanna, she was the hardest thing in all of this. It wasn’t leaving Georgia. It wasn’t leaving the life he had always known and believed he would have until the day he died.

He gently knocked on her door. She turned towards him. Her eyes were a little teary. Suddenly, he wondered if what he and Jocelyn were doing was right. He still loved Jocelyn in some ways, and she loved him. They could grow old together. They could play house, but Jocelyn was right. It would be a lie.   A lie they couldn’t keep living. Jocelyn deserved better not just second place.

“Can I come in?” He asked tentatively.

Joanna nodded. She sat up.  

Gently, he slipped onto the bed next to her. He gently smoothed her honey brown curls. She looked up at him with her chocolate brown eyes. Each day she looked more and more like Jocelyn. She was growing up. The life he was choosing. It would mean giving her up. He would be missing all of her milestones. “Daddy.” She threw herself at him.

“Oh baby.” He gripped her tightly. She sobbed into his chest. He felt her tiny body shake. Slowly she pulled away.

“Why are you going away Daddy? Mommy says you have to go away.”

“You remember Uncle Jim?”

Joanna nodded. “He went away. He didn’t even say goodbye.”

“He had to go away, Sweetie.”

“I liked Uncle Jim. He made you happy Daddy.”

“I liked him too, baby girl.” Leonard gently smoothed away the bangs that fell over her eyes. “I’m going to go find him baby girl. I’m going to bring him home. Can you be brave for me, Sweetie?”

Joanna nodded. “Yes.”

Leonard gently bent down and kissed her forehead. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

***************

Starfleet, the answer seemed so simple. When he saw the ‘Starfleet, I want you’ poster with George Kirk’s face blazing back at him, the answer seemed to just hit him. Previously, he had always found the advertisement to be morbid. However now, it seemed strangely fitting for it to be a picture of Jim’s father that was the solutions to all his problems. Starfleet was about space and exploration. Its mission was to explore new worlds that no man had ever gone before. Leonard had always prided himself on his scientific mind. A part of him did not believe in the great beyond. He had never been a church going man much to his mother and grandmother’s chagrin.

Before he knew it, Leonard found himself walking into a Starfleet testing center and taking the initial placement tests.   As for his fucking fear of dying in space, well that he would have to work on.  

However, when he boarded that goddamn shuttle at Riverside Shipyard, he wasn’t so sure that he had made the correct choice. The shuttle was full of fucking kids in fucking red uniforms. He spent the entire shuttle ride locked in the bathroom and mindlessly drunk. It would be a long 4 years.

However, the owner of those blazing blue eyes kept him going. He was going to make it. He was fucking going to make it. He inevitably made friends, enemies and colleagues at the academy.

It was only in the dark hours of the night in some loud and rowdy bar under the intoxication of alcohol, when a fellow cadet would ask the inevitable question that he would question it all. ‘Why did you join Starfleet?’ They would go around the table. Everyone’s reason seemed so noble: exploration, discovery, peace, and expansion of the Federation. When it was his turn, he found his own reason to be so inferior. “Chasing starlight.” Somewhere along the way, starlight became synonymous for Jim. They both reminded him of warmth and hope. They were both light in a sea of darkness.

He couldn’t say he was 100% loyal to Jim. He didn’t believe Jim would fault him with it. He had many flings during his time at the academy; however, they were all short lived. He found them more as a way to unwind after long hours of classes, clinical duties and flight stimulations. He knew he would need high marks to even receive a decent enough posting to attempt what he needed to even attempt to find Jim. His Vulcan advisor called it illogical, for a man with aviophobia to seek a posting on a starship, but his life was already full of contradictions and illogical circumstances.

When Starfleet announced the launch of the Enterprise during his second year, and he saw the hologram of the silver beauty, he knew. Somehow, he just knew. Starfleet’s flagship with her maiden voyage scheduled during his third year was the ship that would bring him to Jim.

Maybe the universe was finally throwing him another chance. He always thought he had used up all his miracles when it gave him Jim, and they had all been eaten up when Jim was taken from him. So, in the spring of his third year, when he was handed the orders to report as a medical officer for the starship Enterprise, he could only let out a sigh of relief.

The Enterprise felt like home. He formed bonds with other members of her crew. He grew closer to Uhura than they had ever been at the academy. He became drinking buddies with her chief engineer Montgomery Scott and navigator Pavel Chekov. Her helmsman Hikaru Sulu taught him how to fence. He found it more acceptable and civilized than the hand-to-hand combat that he had been forced to endure throughout his years at the academy. He found himself spending many hours debating the merits of logic versus emotion with her first officer Spock.

As the years went by and the further from Earth he went and the closer to the edge of the Alpha Quadrant he found himself, he began to wonder if all he had been doing was chasing starlight and the sheer impossibility of it all. However, every time they entered a new sector of space, he could not stop himself from going up to the bridge. He would look at the stellar cartography charts that Spock had pulled up at his science station. Nobody asked why he always appeared on the bridge especially after the fourth year when he was promoted to CMO. It became one of those constants of the Enterprise.

By the end of the second five-year mission, he found himself sitting across from his twenty-year-old daughter at a small diner in San Francisco. After more than a decade, he was still no closer to finding Jim. Instead, he found that he had instead carved out a place for himself in the stars.

Joanna looked at him. She slowly twirled her fork between her fingers.

“You’ll find him Daddy.”

“When did you become such a big girl?”

“When you weren’t looking,” she replied coyly.

“Joanna…”

“It’s okay Dad, really.”

Leonard nodded. There were moments of regret. He had missed watching his daughter grow up. Sometimes he found himself chasing dreams that he felt he was no closer to reaching.

“I’m graduating from the academy next year. My advisor says I have the grades to get stationed on the Enterprise.”

“Joanna.”

“I want to help you find him.”

“What about that boy?”

“Jeremy?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re good. He wants a dirt side posting though. He’s not fond of exploration.”

Leonard smiled fondly. He knew that look. He saw it in himself and his friends every time they talked about a loved one. “He’s good for you.”

“Dad.”

“No really Jo. “ He reached over and gently set his hand over Joanna’s. “I spent nearly a lifetime searching for mine. You found yours. Don’t waste it.”

“Most dads would bring a shot gun.”

“We both know I’m not a normal dad. You make sure he treats you right.”

“Thanks Daddy.”


	8. Chapter 8

He found himself back on the Enterprise one week later shipping out for another five-year mission.   The hallways seemed as familiar as always. His med bays where he ruled with a strong, firm hand felt more familiar to him than the hospital of Georgia had ever felt. His commendations and achievements covered his office walls.

It was not until the tail end of the five-year mission, a hologram from Joanna with her wedding pictures and the announcement of the birth of his first grandchild that had finally arrived from a distant star base, that Leonard finally wondered if fifteen years was enough. They had charted most of the Alpha Quadrant. He was no longer young. The academy was more insistent than ever that he accept the position of head of Starfleet Medical.

Even Spock and Uhura were leaving after this mission to start a family. Spock was thinking of accepting the position of ambassador of Vulcan to Romulus to negotiate for possible reunification with the Romulans.   Sulu had received his promotion to captain of the Excelsior, the newest ship in the fleet. It inevitably meant that Chekov would follow. Chapel was considering returning to Starfleet Medical to pursue a MD. He knew Scotty would never leave the Enterprise as long as she was space worthy, but there were rumors over the subspace frequency that the admiralty were thinking of decommission her upon their return to Earth. She was no longer young. The latest technology had long surpassed the warp core and modules that she was still running on.

One night as they neared the final unchartered sector of the Alpha Quadrant, he found himself nursing a bottle of old fashion Tennessee whiskey in the aft observation deck.   The stars zoomed past. However, Spock would say that assessment was illogical, and they were really passing the stars. Over the years, he began to agree with Jim. They really were beautiful. They seemed like the only constants in his life.

“Sorry Jim,” he muttered. He took a swing from the bottle.

“Doctor McCoy.” Spock’s voice carried through the observation deck.

For once, he did not have the energy to make a snarky comment to Spock. He merely rose his glass in the direction of where Spock’s voice came from.                

“We’re approaching our coordinates.”

“Thank you, Spock.” When he did not hear the swish of the door announcing Spock’s departure, he turned around. He found that the half Vulcan was still standing behind him. His face was as expressionless as ever. Leonard sighed. “Is there something else?”

“I have inferred from past experiences that you would want to be on the bridge. You are looking for something Doctor. Commander Uhura once told me you had joined Starfleet to ‘chase starlight’.” His eyebrow rose. Even after all these years, Spock never did manage to develop his human emotions.

“A foolish man’s dream.”

“Since this will be our final mission, the captain wants us to accompany him on the away mission.”

Leonard raised his glass once more. “I’ll meet you on the transporter room then, Spock.” Spock left after that.

When he arrived at the transporter pad with his tricorder strapped to his hip, he had missed the mission briefing. He did not even know the name of the planet they were beaming down to when the technician energized the pad.

He found himself on a lush green planet. They had visited many Eden like planets during their travels. However, experience taught him that there was always something sinister about those planets. He immediately reached for his phaser.   He cursed when he realized it was missing along with his medical tricorder. In fact, he was only member of the landing party who had even materialized on the planet.

He cursed, wondering what strange transporter malfunction had caused such a mishap to occur. He never did trust them. He never could comprehend why they couldn’t just take the damn shuttles that they always carried around in the shuttle bay. He had experienced many transporter malfunctions over the years, but never one like this. He was contemplating how to reestablish contact with the Enterprise when a green bush rustled. He instinctively reached for a phaser that he knew was not there.

His eyes widened when the source of the noise appeared into view.

“Bones?” It was a name he had not been called in nearly two decades. It was given to him by a man he had not seen in equally that long.

“Jim?”

The kid appeared before him. His eyes were still as blue as the deep blue seas. Even after so many years, the kid did not seem to have gotten any older. He looked as youthful and as vibrant as ever. The only signs of the passage of time were the small wrinkles that seemed to appear around Jim’s eyes.

“Bones, what are you doing here? Why are you here?”

“I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“Enlighten me.”

“To find you, Kid.” The words left his lips easier than he thought was possible.

Jim’s eyes widened. “No, no Bones! Fuck! No! This is all wrong.”

“I thought you would be happy to see me, Jim.” Leonard suddenly realized just how hurt he must have sounded when he saw Jim flinch.

“Yes! No! Fuck! No Bones! You and Jocelyn were good! I saw it. You guys had reconciled. You were supposed to live that perfect life you always wanted: the large houses, the beautiful wife and the 2.3 kids with a successful career all packaged in one.” Jim seemed to be rambling.

Leonard grabbed his arm. “Jim! Jim!”

“What?”

“First of all, 2.3 kids are well… illogical. Also what if I don’t want that perfect life?”

“You’re supposed to! Fuck, everyone deserves that perfect, normal life.”

“Then, what about you Jim?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You never got your chance.”

“I died Bones, and it seems I destroyed your life too.” Jim narrowed his eyes.

“No, Jim.” He shook his head. Only then did he realize the accomplishments and the life he had lived.   The worlds he had seen, the places and times that he had been too.   All of which had been denied from Jim. “I learned a long ago perfection isn’t everything.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.”

Jim shook his head. He pushed away from Leonard. Only then did Leonard realize how close they had been standing. “Bones, I told you. You can’t fall in love a dead man.”

“But what if I already have, Jim? What if I fell in love the day I met you?”

“But you can’t. You have a life. A destiny you’re supposed to live and people who will miss you.”

“I’ve lived a lifetime Jim. I have seen the stars. I have seen countless new worlds and different timelines. I’ve made my contributions to the world.”

He wondered if only then did Jim really look at him. He seemed to recognize the blue tunic with the Starfleet insignia that was pinned on his chest. “You joined Starfleet?”

“Yeah, I’m stationed on a starship called the Enterprise.”

“But you said you were afraid of flying.”

It had been an offhanded remark Leonard made the last time they saw each other. Leonard was surprised Jim still remembered. “And you gave me the reason to not be.” Leonard pulled Jim down. They sat on a large boulder. It was bright red.

“And in all those other timelines and multiverses I have traveled to there was always a starship Enterprise with seven crewmembers that always existed together except this one. They all had a Sulu, a Chekov, a Scotty, an Uhura, a Spock, a McCoy and a Jim Kirk as her captain.”

“Captain…” Jim’s eyes widened. Long ago, Jim had told him what he dreamed of doing had he gotten the chance to live. The first time he traveled to another timeline and met that world’s Jim. He had seen a Jim that was alive and was ‘his’ captain. He had seen the love that that Jim had for his Leonard. He did not want to leave that world. He wanted that Leonard’s life. He wanted that timeline.

Jim shook his head. “But those aren’t this world.”

“And for a time, I didn’t want this world either. The Kelvin, I traveled to a world that had met the Narada before this one, the world that had damaged it. They told us the moment the Narada appeared before the Kelvin was what had created that world. It follows that this universe was also created from a similar moment. I even had a chance to collapse this world. I thought a world without Jim Kirk shouldn’t exist.”

“But you didn’t.”

Leonard shook his head. “Then there would be no us. After my first temporal displacement experience, I learned Jim. I want this universe. I want to make an ‘us’ in this universe.”

Jim shook his head sadly. “But I’m dead. I don’t exist in this world.”

“In all those universes, all the Jim Kirks shared similar traits. They all didn’t believe in no-win scenarios.” Jim laughed. “I feel. After all these years, I also don’t. I found you. In life or in death, I found you.” Leonard reached for a piece of paper in his breast pocket that he had kept for nearly two decades. He placed it in Jim’s hands. When the other smoothed it out, he laughed.

“Damn.” Jim whispered.

“And I feel the Jim Kirk in this universe don’t believe in them either.”

On the piece of paper was a constellation. The same constellation that Leonard knew if he threw his head back now, he would see in the sky above them.

“What now Bones?”

“Nearly twenty years ago, I let you disappear before me. I chased the stars for you Jim Kirk, and I ain’t leaving you now.”

“But I’m dead.”

“Then I’ll die too if it means never leaving you. I appeared here with nothing but my bones. Starfleet can list me as haven died in action. Joanna is grown, married and with a child. I have lived a full life without you Jim. Let me live or die the rest with you.”

“Okay Bones. Okay.”

This time, when Leonard leaned forward, for once, Jim did not shove him away. Jim tasted of everything that he had imagined: of dreams and hopes that he had harbored for a lifetime.

When he finally pulled away, Leonard looked at Jim. He really looked at him. “Jim.”

“Mhmm,” Jim whispered.

“Where are your wings?”

“I never earned them.” Jim shrugged his shoulders.

He raised an eyebrow. “But…”

“Shh,” Jim silenced him with another kiss. “I fell in love with a mortal,” he mumbled.

This is where the chronicles of Leonard Horatio McCoy end, and where the myths begins. His Starfleet records list him as missing in action due to a transporter accident on his final five-year mission aboard the USS Enterprise. However, some travelers will say in the darkest of nights, they can see a silver starship sailing through the galaxy. Sometimes that ship will land on some planet and from it; a cankerous doctor with his blond haired captain will appear, always by starlight and always together.

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prompt was Jim's a probationary guardian angel newly assigned to overworked doctor Leonard McCoy. 
> 
> Also please check out the awesome companion fic written for the same prompt by [curiosa ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/curiosa/pseuds/curiosa) "[From which stars have we fallen ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1221940)".


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